Dilbert's Best

[jats_do_it]

Dilbert's Best
> 1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
> is not looking good either.
> 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as
> they go flying by.
> 3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
> 4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
> 5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the
> first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
> 6. I DON'T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.
> 7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I
> thought to myself, "where the heck is the ceiling?"
> 8. My reality cheque bounced.
> 9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
> 10.I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
> 11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut
> butter.
> 12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and
> taste good with ketchup.
> 13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
> 14. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then
> beat you with experience.
> 15. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.
> 16. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
> promoted.
> 17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the
> month than you did before.
> 18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
> 19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a
> clipboard.
> 20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse
> will happen to you the rest of the day.
> 21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
> 22. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
> 23. Following the rules will not get the job done.
> 24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily
> by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
> 25. Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
> 26. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this
> line.
> 27. Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be
> the king.
> 28. If at first you don't succeed......skydiving isn't for you.
> 29. Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all
> of the time and have the time of your life.


> 30. When everything is coming your way.....you're in the wrong lane.